This rollercoaster called life just keeps on moving.
Up. Down. Left. Right. Circles. Flatlands. Highs. Lows.
And now this: a fork.

A year ago, there wasn’t a single question in my head about which way I wanted to go.
A month ago, no doubts.
A week ago—still nothing.

And then you said I should come and stay.
The words I’d been longing to hear for so long. Suddenly, they were real. I heard them. And the biggest smile spread across my face. My heart leapt forward—while my brain slammed on the brakes. I’m caught between joy and fear.

My first instinct is to run from the weight of it, but I can’t.
The safety belt won’t open.
I’m hanging upside down in a loop, watching the world move on while my head lags behind, desperate to process what just happened.

Now the dream I’ve been chasing for three years could come true—and I’m hesitating.
Second thoughts. Doubts. Questions.

My mind whispers:
“It’s a real possibility now. We should back off a little. It was all fun and games trying to reach this goal, but committing to it? That’s too much. It’s enough just to know I could reach it.”

This can’t be it, can it?

There are too many voices in my head fighting for the microphone.
Am I sabotaging myself?
Is it fear of failure? Or fear that I’ve outgrown the version of me who wanted this so badly?
Am I running from happiness (again)?
Why am I suddenly the one who’s scared of commitment?
Why am I suddenly the one playing devil‘s advocate?
Am I so scared to lose my freedom and independence?
Is it still a dream of mine? (Are you still a dream of mine?)

I recognize this pattern from my past. I test the limits and then back out.
I test the waters—how far can I walk in before I start to drown?
How close can I get to the flame without getting burned, yet still feel the heat?
How long can I balance on the cliff’s edge before I have to leap?
How much of life can I live without ever taking responsibility for my own choices and desires — before it catches up with me?

Why can‘t I follow through, with what I‘ve been chasing for so long?

I thought this was all I ever wanted.
Now it‘s here, and I‘m paralyzed—not by the dream itself, but by the fear of uncertainty tagging along.

Saying “No.” feels like giving up on something I‘ve fought for. One side of me can‘t bear to see all that effort, all that emotional growth, go to waste. But then a voice whispers: Do I want to settle for this? Do I want you? What else is out there? Is this really the end of the line? Is this the best life has to offer me?
The grass is always going to be greener somewhere else – so why am I staring at other people’s lawns, now?

Saying “Yes!” might make me the happiest woman in the world. I should trust myself. I‘ve been holding on to this dream for years, and my heart leapt when I heard you say those words.
Maybe it‘s time for my whole body to take a leap.
Maybe it’s time to take action and responsibility – not just for my dreams, but for my life.

There‘s nothing more I could want than to keep riding this wild rollercoaster – with you.

So long, keep growing! Until we meet again.