Please excuse me —
but this time, all I have are questions.
Sometimes that’s all there is in my head.
One question leads to another
and another
and another…
A never-ending spiral — mostly downward, rarely up.

Why am I so much harder on myself than I am on the people I love?

Why can’t I offer myself the same grace I so freely give to my friends?
Why do I hold myself to harsher standards — when I’m just a human being like everyone else?

Why do I neglect the very advice I offer others with such care and conviction?
Why do I believe I have to endure more — carry more — prove more?

Somewhere along the way, it seems, I forgot how to be a friend to myself.
A good friend.
One who looks out for me.
One who speaks from a place of kindness and care.
One who wants the best for me — and acts like it.

Instead, I hold myself to impossible expectations.
I extend understanding and softness to others, even strangers…
but make it extra hard on myself.
Why?

Shouldn’t I be my own best friend?
Shouldn’t I have my own best interests at heart?

Then why do I keep neglecting my well-being — mentally, physically, emotionally?
Why do I turn away from my own wisdom?

Do I think that little of myself?
Do I believe I’m unworthy of the same love I give?
That I’m somehow less deserving?

Or am I just afraid of what might change.. if I started treating myself like I matter?
Or am I afraid of my surroundings.. once they notice I’m putting myself first?