Don’t make me stop.
Don’t make me sit.
Don’t make me stand still.

I don’t want my thoughts catching up with me.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to work through the mess of emotions buried underneath.

Just keep me going —
on adrenaline and coffee.

For as long as I can remember, movement has been my guard.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
As long as I kept going, I didn’t have to look inward.
As long as I kept moving, I could outrun it.
Whatever “it” was.

But somewhere over the past year…
something shifted.

Not because I asked for it.
Not because I was ready.
But because life — something bigger than me — the divine, the universe, whatever you want to call it —
placed me in situations, in environments, that forced me to slow down.

To take a deep breath.
To acknowledge how far I’ve come.
To recalibrate — my values, my goals, myself.
To work with what I have.
To stop chasing.
To sit in the stillness of a dark room
and feel everything there is to feel — within me.

That’s one side of it.

The other?
Is the part I’m still learning to accept:
that my body needs breaks.
I am not a machine.
I can’t go — physically or mentally — 24/7.
And the harder I try, the louder my body pushes back.
Until it gives out.
Until I get sick.
Until all I can do is sleep.

I guess what makes that so hard to accept is the shame that comes with it.
This deep, nagging belief that if I rest, I’m letting people down.
That I’m not worthy unless I‘m productive.
That needing a break makes me weak.
That needing time out makes me… less.

And weakness?
That’s the last thing I ever want to feel.

But I need to.
I need to know my weaknesses.
To be aware of them.
To not fear them.
And hopefully — someday — to accept them.
Because knowing where I’m soft doesn’t make me fragile.
It makes me real.

Maybe the work isn’t in pushing through, but in learning when to stop.
Maybe strength looks a little different than I thought.
Maybe it’s quiet.
Still.
Soft.
Patient.
Maybe the permission I’ve been waiting for —
is mine to give.

So long, keep growing. Until we meet again.